Let's have a heart-to-heart, shall we?

Ever had that feeling of wanting to push back? Tipping the scales, straighten what has been bend?

I know I do. I get that sense I'm out of balance, people are out of balance, heck, the WORLD is out of balance. There is too much of one thing and not enough of it's opposite. So let's push back!

Yes, it is only natural to want to balance out the excess, natural to push back in the opposite direction when things have gone too far. It really is natural.

And it's wrong.

You might want to push back and become more loose when you know you're being too controlling. Or really want more generous when you've realized how stingy you are. Or maybe you should be more selfish, if you've noticed how much of yourself you sacrifice in the service of others.

Or grander: you try labour not repeat the mistakes of your upbringing, your education (or lack thereof). You are NOT going to be absent, aloof. You'll make sure your son, your daughter, feels heard and cared for, and never alone. The same won't happen to them!

Or on an even grander scale: as a society, as a culture we may have favored one group over another. So now we might push back and that group is given what they're owned, given an extra boost at the expense of another group.

But what I recently realized is that balancing doesn't come from that compensating push, not really. It comes from aiming at the middle, at doing the right thing, not the compensatory thing.

For example, I know I'm way too avoidant. I run away from problems, uncomfortable feelings and insights, in essence: I run from pain and discomfort.

Now, life, as you certainly know, involves a fair deal of pain and discomfort. It's kind off a package deal. A lot of friendship, interesting experiences… and pain. So I pushed back, pressed my face in the steaming pile of pain, as you would do with a young cat that has… graced your carpet, let us say.

And as with the cat: this approach doesn't really work. At best, it learns fearfully to only take a dump when you're not watching it. At worst, it starts fearing you, in general.

Then it dawned on me: running nor pushing is the way, but standing still and just letting happen what will happen. I don't have to seek out the pain and unpleasantness - those will come by themselves, unaided. But I welcome them and do not run.